Download A Man's Guide to Pregnancy: How to live with a Pregnant by John Zakour PDF

By John Zakour

ISBN-10: 0957952856

ISBN-13: 9780957952850

John Zakour is a humor author with a Master's measure in Human habit. He writes the syndicated comedian "Working Daze" and has written a SF trilogy for Daw books. John is living in Geneva, big apple.

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Additional info for A Man's Guide to Pregnancy: How to live with a Pregnant Person (and get out of it alive)

Example text

12) “Yes, dear, I’m scum. ” 14) “Yes, dear, I’m scum. ” 16) “Yes, dear, I’m scum. ” 18) “Yes, dear, I’m scum. ” 19) “No, dear. ” 36 Finally, after an amount of time that seems at least ten times as long as it really was, your wife will be pretty much dilated and all tuckered out, which means the doctors and nurses will roll her into a delivery room as now she’s safe to deal with. This part of the birth will be the exact opposite of the first. There will be plenty of people around to help you and it will go faster than you can believe.

So, there’s not much you can do about this. There are a few things to remember here though. First off, don’t look at it as losing a wife, think of it as gaining a child. Remember, children have all sorts of benefits: They make good tax breaks. They are fun to play with. They give your wife somebody else to get mad at besides you. They make you feel extra manly knowing you are passing half your genes onto the future. When they get a bit older they will think you are perfect no matter how much of a screwup you are.

Sex: something that makes babies and that you won’t be getting much of once the baby comes. Sleep: something else you won’t be getting much of once the baby comes. Smoking: no jokes here, this (and drinking, and drugs) should be avoided at all cost by and around pregnant women. ” Superbowl Sunday: the day you really don’t want your wife to go into labor. Toxemia: something you don’t want to deal with if at all possible. Ultrasound: due to kind of old, but still kind of neat, technology, we can now use sound waves to create a picture of the baby while he or she is still inside the womb.

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